Lesson 2: How to Tell a Story

Purpose

This lesson introduces you to different ways a writer can convey a story. What is the difference between showing and telling? How can you use detail to make a story more vivid? What do the mechanics of language and style have to do with the kind of story you want to write? The way you tell a story—the choices you make on the word, sentence, and paragraph level—is of utmost importance to the overall feel of the piece. By paying attention to these choices, you'll begin to see your own preferences and tendencies, and you'll learn how to recognize their effects on the stories you write.

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Learning Objectives

After completing this lesson, you should be able to accomplish the following:

  1. Describe the importance of significant detail in a story.
  2. Explain the difference between showing and telling, and give examples of each.
  3. Discern some of the mechanics of language, like active voice and passive voice, and demonstrate how the words you choose can affect the tone of a story.
  4. Recognize rhythm in prose, create different rhythms within your own scenes, and understand how rhythm can impact a story overall.
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Reading Assignment

  • Writing Fiction, Chapter 2, Seeing is Believing: Showing and Telling (pages 25–77).
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Commentary

If you are using words, how are you supposed to make your readers "see" your story? Aren't all stories "told" instead of "seen?" Technically, yes, you are telling your story to an audience. However, getting your readers to imagine your story, to "see" it in their minds, is one of the most important goals of fiction.

Significant Detail

When you show something in fiction, you are letting the reader see an event, person, or setting, and when you tell something, you are describing it. One of the most important distinctions between these two ways of conveying information is the level of concrete detail. Remember Aunt Julia? When your party was over, she brought you to her house, and when she thought you were busy watching TV, she sat in her chair. Notice the difference in how I describe what happened next:

  1. "Aunt Julia patted her burnt-orange hair. She picked up a cigarette, her hand shaking, and lit it before she began dialing the long-distance number on her rotary phone."
  2. "Aunt Julia's hair was dyed a crazy orange color. She smoked a lot when she was nervous or agitated and she was always calling long-distance numbers."

The first version contains several concrete, tangible objects: hair, a cigarette, a hand, and a rotary phone. The second version only contains one concrete object, "hair." The rest of the passage is less concrete—we are given the information that she smokes and calls long-distance numbers, but we don't actually see it.

There is a place for both kinds of narrative—showing and telling—in stories, but the ratio is important. As one professor of mine put it, showing should be like bricks in your story, and telling should be like mortar. In building a wall, a bricklayer might use thousands of pounds of bricks, but only a few hundred pounds of mortar. The showing, or brick part of your story, is held together by the telling, or mortar part of your story.

Writing Exercise: Thinking with the Senses

The following audio clips contain background noises from everyday life. Listen to each clip, and then try to describe the scenes they create with your other senses. That is, from what you hear, describe what you see, feel, smell, and taste.

If you want to compare your responses to mine, click on the "Show Answer(s)" link below.

Note: Depending on the type of Web browser you are using, you may need to click the play arrow twice to play the audio clips.

Audio Clip 1

Audio Clip 2

Audio Clip 1:
The ceiling is covered in a tile mosaic of trains and automobiles that I’ve seen too many times before to take any notice of now. My feet hurt. I just want to be home so I can take these heels off. $175 and still too cheap to be comfortable. The water fountain is working again. Too much chlorine. Smells like the YMCA. Cheap and dirty. Why they put water fountains inside of train stations, I’ll never know. And why people insist on bringing their bikes in here, I can only guess. If you’re riding the train, ride the train. If you’re riding a bike, ride a bike. Please.

Audio Clip 2:
School’s out. All of the kids have backpacks slung across their shoulders, and they let me by. Most kids don’t want to be caught near the vice principal, so I don’t get a lot of interference. The last bus takes off and I’m nearly to the parking lot before I notice how sunny it is. Sunglasses. That kid at lunch took my sunglasses. Who planted these ornamental pear trees? Sure, they’re pretty, but do they ever stink! Let’s get some crabapples next time, okay? I need some gum. Taco Delight does not sit well on the palate after five hours of doling out detention and nabbing tardy students in the hallways. Ah, spring.

Writing about Emotion

It is much easier to say someone is angry or afraid or tired than to show it. Whenever possible, though, try to convey a character's actions so that your reader can figure out the emotion beneath them. In the two versions of Aunt Julia smoking and dialing the phone, emotion is conveyed differently. In the first version, we see her hand shaking. We must infer from this image that something is bothering her. In the second version, we are told that she smokes when she is nervous or agitated. Sometimes it is important to distinguish for the reader what emotion a character is feeling, but most of the time, the reader will remain more engaged with your story if he has to work at figuring out why a character does this or does that. This doesn't mean a character's actions should be bizarre and undecipherable, but they should be clear enough to evoke a workable interpretation by the reader without having to be completely explained.

Filtering

One way to think of filtering is to imagine the difference between meeting Aunt Julia yourself and being told about Aunt Julia by one of her nieces. The niece will pick and choose what she tells you, highlighting particular bits of information and perhaps leaving out other bits entirely. The niece is a kind of filter—she is between you and Aunt Julia. In fiction, there can be multiple layers through which to filter a scene. The niece could be remembering a story about Aunt Julia during a conversation with her boyfriend many years after Aunt Julia has died. In this case, there are many layers to consider: the niece herself, the distance of time, the presence of her boyfriend, and the conversation that has triggered her memory.

In the first version of Aunt Julia's actions, we are actually seeing the memory with the niece, through her eyes, but with very little direction as to how to interpret the images. In the second version, we are given qualifying words like "crazy," "a lot," and "always." What, exactly, is "crazy" when it comes to hair color? How much smoking is "a lot" of smoking? How does the niece know Aunt Julia is "always" calling long-distance numbers—did someone tell her that once and now she's incorporated it into her memory? The bias in the second version tells us as much or more about the niece than it tells us about Aunt Julia. We are seeing the action of the story through several layers of consciousness—the writer, the narrator, the niece, and finally, Aunt Julia.

As John Gardner explains in his example on page 32, there can easily be too much filtering. If every bit of action or detail is prefaced by a filtering consciousness, then reading the scene can become tedious. In the Aunt Julia example, tinkering with the second version of the passage to over-write the filter might look like this: "She often remembered that Aunt Julia's hair was dyed a crazy orange color. She thought of how much Aunt Julia smoked when she was nervous or agitated, and then cringed as she remembered the way Aunt Julia was always calling long-distance numbers." Instead of adding tags like "she remembered" and "she thought," the image of Aunt Julia can be presented more directly to the reader, thus allowing him to "see" Aunt Julia for himself.

The Active Voice

One final difference to notice about the two versions of Aunt Julia's passage is that the first contains only active verbs—"patted," "picked up," "lit," and "began dialing"—and the second contains two passive verbs, "was dyed" and "was calling." The first set of verbs conveys actions—someone or something is doing something. The second set of verbs show that something has been done, that something was acted upon. Again, as with the brick and mortar analogy for showing and telling, you should use active sentence construction more often than passive construction, but some passive verbs are okay.

The active voice is also about using precise, descriptive verbs. As in the box on page 35 in the textbook, there are general verbs that describe actions, such as walking or swimming, but you can push language further and replace those general verbs with more specific verbs that not only give an action, but also imply a more nuanced, connotative meaning. In the first example in the text box, if the waiter scurries, he's not only moving quickly, but he also has qualities of a mouse, and perhaps there is some perceivable fear in his movements. If however, the waiter ambles, not only is he moving slowly, but we see him being very measured—he can't be bothered by the demands of his customers.

Verbs are one of the most powerful tools of the English language—use them well and make them carry the majority of the burden of work in your sentences.

Prose Rhythm

As explained on textbook page 36, rhythm is more the poet's realm than the prose writer's, but rhythm, or the cadence created by word choice and sentence length, can be very important to the feel of a story. It can work for or against mood, tone, and theme. Short, choppy sentences create an entirely different effect than long, meandering sentences. Words, like "very," can seem to imply something more, whatever that "more" may be, but actually, "very" often takes out the sting and intensity of phrase.

Variation of short and long sentences, and single-syllable and multiple-syllable words, along with the elimination of empty qualifying words (like "very") can intensify your use of language and can give you another way to reach your reader—not with content, but with form and sound. Prose rhythm can be difficult to identify, especially in your own writing. A good way to begin to "hear" rhythm in writing, including your own, is to listen to it read out loud, either by reading it yourself or listening to a friend. Also, listening to audio recordings of books and stories is an excellent way to develop your "ear" as a writer.

The Poesy of Syntax

This exercise lets you practice variations in syntax, which the textbook authors discuss in the section on "prose rhythm" (pp. 36–38). When you click on "Begin Activity" below, a collection of refrigerator magnets will appear. With these magnets, create two sentences: one that describes a snake moving slowly and one that describes a snake moving quickly. Experiment with using different word choices and punctuation to create a sentence rhythm that matches the action being described.

Click on the "Show Answer(s)" link beneath the refrigerator area to see sample responses.

This interactive or video content is only available online. This is an interactive exercise on prose rhythm.

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Slow snake:
'Slow-snake' example response for the Lesson 2 Prose Rhythm interactive exercise.

Fast snake:
'Fast-snake' example response for the Lesson 2 Prose Rhythm interactive exercise.

Mechanics

Nothing diminishes a writer's credibility as quickly as a lack of understanding of the basic mechanics of writing. Relying on a computer to edit for you isn't good enough. If you have trouble with mechanics—see the lists on pages 38 and 39 of the textbook—get a writing handbook or find a friend who knows the rules of writing. Do whatever it takes to learn the basics of good writing. You show respect for your reader and you honor your stories by writing them in solid, correct English.

Mechanics Review

Click on the links below to bring up practice review exercises that will help you brush up on various elements of grammar and punctuation.

You can also use online resources, such as the companion Web sites to Diana Hacker handboooks to read more about and practice mechanics skills.

Note: Each question or problem in these review exercises contains one sample response; however, some problems may have more than one correct response. If any of your answers differ from those provided in the sample response, consult a grammar guide to see if your answer is an acceptable alternative or an incorrect response.

Grammar:

Punctuation:

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Study Questions

  1. What is the difference between an active verb and a passive verb? Give an example of each.

    An active verb shows a subject performing an action to or on someone or something else, whereas a passive verb shows an action being done to or on the subject. Active verb example: The hunter shot the deer. Passive verb example: The deer was shot by the hunter.
  2. What are linking verbs and how do they, as suggested in the text, invite generalization and distance?

    Linking verbs include "to be," so instead of doing something, a subject is being something. Linking verbs invite generalization and distance because they suggest or show the subject being acted upon or observed instead of showing the subject doing something.
  3. Some parts of Chaon's story, "Big Me," (beginning on page 39) present passages heavily filtered through the consciousness of the narrator, while other passages are given more directly. Give an example of a passage that is written through several layers of filter, and then describe each layer and how it affects your understanding of the image or moment presented.

    From page 42: "It never felt like danger. I was convinced of my own powers of stealth and invisibility. He would not see me because that was not part of the story I was telling myself: I was the Detective!"

    This scene is being filtered through the adult narrator's consciousness: he is explaining as an adult what he thought and felt as a child. There are two filters: the character of the adult narrator is one, and time is the other.
  4. In "The Things They Carried," (beginning on page 53) Tim O'Brien "shows" what the soldiers are carrying by meticulously listing and describing each item in their packs. O'Brien does very little to "show" the emotions of the soldiers in comparison to the amount of time he spends on the physical objects they carry. Find a passage in which he lists items, and try to conjecture what intangible or non-physical items O'Brien might be indirectly describing.

    From page 57: "In certain heavily mined AOs, where the land was dense with Toe Poppers and Bouncing Betties, they took turns humping a 28-pound mine detector. With its headphones and big sensing plate, the equipment was a stress on the lower back and shoulders, awkward to handle, often useless because of the shrapnel in the earth, but they carried it anyway, partly for safety, partly for the illusion of safety."

    The last line of this passage begins to explain the intangible "items" the men are carrying: they are trying to create safety in a place that is utterly unsafe. They carry their own fear along with this equipment, as well as the knowledge that even with this equipment, they are too far into dangerous territory to really be able to protect themselves.
  5. Oates' story contains many examples of active voice and strong prose rhythm. Select a passage from "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" (beginning on page 65) and identify where she has used active voice. What happens to the writing if you change some of the verbs and alter them from active to passive? Can you describe the rhythm of her prose? Choppy? Elegant? Talky? Try reading it out loud to a friend.

    From page 66: "Sometimes they did go shopping or to a movie, but sometimes they went across the highway, ducking fast across the busy road, to a drive-in restaurant where older kids hung out."

    Altered: Sometimes they had been shopping or at a movie, but sometimes they were on the other side of the highway, and they'd gone fast across the busy road, to a drive-in restaurant where older kids were. The original version makes it seem as if something is happening now; there is ongoing action. The altered version, however, makes it seem more static, as if something has already happened and we're getting the information afterwards. Oates' rhythm is elegant in this passage—the sentence is complex and somewhat breathless, mimicking the sense of movement and youth she is describing.
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Practice Exercise

For your own benefit, to work on the concepts discussed in this lesson, you should attempt the following practice exercise. This practice exercise should not be sent to the Center for grading.

Practice Exercise: Complete Writing Exercise #7 on page 79 of Writing Fiction, where you write like "The Things They Carried." Imitating an author with a distinctive style, like O'Brien, can help you see the potential in something so seemingly simple as creating a list. What sorts of things does your list tell you about the character carrying those items? What would you know (or could you guess) about him/her if the only information you had was the items he/she carried?

Your response should include a passage about at least one fictional character going to a specific location where he or she has never been. A list and concrete description of what the character(s) is (are) carrying should be given, along with exploration of why the character(s) might be carrying those items and what the items explain or hide about the character(s).

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Progress Evaluation to Submit

When you can accomplish the learning objectives for this lesson, you should begin work on the progress evaluation described below. You may use any assigned readings, your notes, and other course-related materials to complete this assignment.

This progress evaluation contains two parts and is worth 50 points.

Part A: Keeping a Journal (20 points)
Set up and maintain a journal in the form of a blog (see full description under Journal Keeping in Lesson 1), and write at least 10 entries of 250 words each. Ideally, each entry should be written on a different date, but you will receive full points as long as there are 10 entries of the appropriate length. When you click the "Submit this Assignment" button below, you will be taken to a page where you can both upload your written assignment and enter the title and URL of your blog in a text-entry field. You must enter the title and online location of your blog in the text-entry field, or your instructor will not be able to find it for grading. If you need to add any special notes to the instructor about your entries, you may type them into the same text-entry field in which you enter your blog title and URL. This part of the progress evaluation will be graded based on quantity. You can write about anything you want, but to receive full points, you must create 10 entries of the required length.

Part B: People Watching (30 points)
Write a scene of 500–750 words that combines Writing Exercise #4 from chapter 1 (page 23) and Writing Exercise #7 from chapter 2 (page 79) of Writing Fiction. Show your reader a person from your people-watching expedition—what is she/he wearing, holding, carrying? What sort of character do you want to convey him/her as, and how can you do this by showing instead of telling? To receive full credit for this part of Progress Evaluation 2, demonstrate through your writing choices that you understand how to show your reader a character, that you can use significant details and active voice, and that you have a grasp of filtering, prose rhythm, and mechanics.

Before submitting your progress evaluation, be sure to review the Grades and Assessments page to ensure you understand how your work will be evaluated and graded.

You are about to turn in your first written assignment for this course. Make sure you can answer "yes" to the following questions before you upload your work:

  • Is the work my own? Learning is up to you, and the MU community takes academic integrity seriously.
  • Did I credit words or ideas to the people who published or shared them on the Web? Plagiarism is using someone else's words or ideas without crediting or "citing" their work. Students who plagiarize will be penalized depending on their instructor and the situation. Don't be afraid to use sources when you write, just make sure you "give credit where credit is due."
Need help figuring out when you should cite other people's words or ideas? Read about "Avoiding Plagiarism" from Purdue University or contact CDIS with questions for your instructor.

Uploads to prepare: 1 (.doc or .rtf format)

How to create and upload documents:
  1. For each required upload, create a new Word (.doc) or Rich Text (.rtf) document using Microsoft Word (versions 97–2003/XP) or another program that saves in one of these formats. At the top of each document, please include your name, CDIS ID (the 6-digit ID number you used to log on to this course), preferred e-mail address, and the course title. Then write your response to the question(s) or assignment described above.
  2. Save each document, either to your computer or another storage device, using a descriptive filename. Do not use spaces or special characters in the filename.
  3. When you are finished, upload your document(s) to the Center for grading by clicking the "Submit" link below and following any additional instructions. Remember to keep a copy of your work for your records.

Submit this Assignment
(Also use to check feedback once submitted.)

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